Why the Internet Sucks

It sucks, alright? The Inter­net fuck­ing sucks. It’s mankind’s worst inven­tion come to life in a mael­strom of hell­ish mis­un­der­stand­ings and polar­iz­ing anonymi­ty. Let’s take a look at it.
Sure, it’s prac­ti­cal. It runs our clocks, our mar­kets, some oth­er shit. What­ev­er. The prac­ti­cal­i­ty of this sys­tem is trag­i­cal­ly dwarfed by the option of giv­ing humans the abil­i­ty to com­mu­ni­cate what­ev­er the hell they want to one anoth­er. It’s ter­ri­ble. It’s absolute­ly the worst idea any­one has ever come up with.
This is like invent­ing the first hov­er­car, and everyone’s applaud­ing. Everyone’s there. Your mom, your dad… they may be dead in real life, but pal — they are 100% alive in this sce­nario. Even God has come out of Heav­en to watch you turn this baby on, and you shout “And I also added a huge dil­do that comes out of a pan­el on the front so your hov­er car can fuck whatever’s in front of it,” and the applause instant­ly stops and peo­ple start float­ing into the sky ass-naked because God’s pissed, friend.
You real­ly fucked up. The rapture’s hap­pen­ing and now your hov­er car has noth­ing to fuck.
Who­ev­er made com­mu­ni­ca­tion a vital part of the Inter­net is an idiot. A genius, beyond any shad­ow of a doubt, but a fuck­ing idiot.
Edi­tor, Cul­ture