Spectacle The Third Brain Words

Creepypasta: Tosh.0

This is a sto­ry of a haunt­ed VHS tape that I bought at the thrift store. It had been a while since I watched Fast & Furi­ous 7 and while brows­ing the local thrift store for a home­less chair­ty I came up upon a Fast & Furi­ous 7 VHS case, mint con­di­tion and still in the orginial pack­ag­ing. I bought it with­out real­iz­ing there was nev­er a VHS release of F&F7 and went homeI decid­ed right when I got home that I would open the suck­er up. But inside of the VHS case was a yel­low VHS with the words “Tosh.o delet­ed episode 9/11 race war now kill all whites” writ­ten on in it. What did the 9/11 mean I won­dered? I guessed that It meant the 9th episode of the 11th sea­son, which must have nev­er made it to air.I decide to watch the fuck­er any­ways and I popped it into my VHS play­er. Scene opens up with Daniel tosh and every­thing looks com­plete­ly nor­mal. Tosh: “hey guys I got a spe­cial col­lec­tion of fun­ny videos and a spe­cial guest tonight, mari0 from the video game mari0” laugh track. Tosh: “ I’d love to open up with one of my favorite clas­sic youtube vids, crazy frog 9/11”. Crazy frog 9/11 plays: Explo­sion is seen and crazy frog pops his head up. Footage of man jump­ing out of the tow­er. Footage of 9/11 Nic Cage Movie. Footage from Crazy Frog-We Like To Par­ty Music Video. Footage from all 3 is clipped togeth­er in a intrest­ing way while the song Crazy Frog- We Like To Par­ty plays. Video ends.I watched this hor­ren­dous video and I thought the entire time: “Wtf they can’t show 9/11 jokes on tv that’s so fucked up tosh.o is going to hell” Tosh comes back after the video laugh­ing with mari0. Tosh: aha­ha­ha­ha 9/11 jokes are fun­ny every­day of the year. mari0: LOL plane fly into tow­er XD Crazy Frog XD. I couldn’t believe my ears of my eyes. How could they say this on live tele­vi­sion­Tosh: “mari0 we got a new seg­ment tonight called the tosh.challenge where we have the view­ers bid for are spe­cial guest to do some­thing and all the mon­ey goes to helps orphaned chil­dren” mari0:“Don’t wor­ry tosh I’ll do any­thing to help out those chil­dren” Bid­ding Bar Starts at the bot­tom, and a bunch of ran­dom car­toon char­ac­ters bid var­i­ous amounts of mon­ey. After 5 min­utes the bids stop and Garfield is the last bid­der with 10,000$ tosh: ” Alright the bid­ding has stooped and the win­ner has sent his pay­ment, we will now receive his chal­lenge” A voice that comes on that sounds like Garfield from the cgi ani­mat­ed movie. Garfield: “I Always won­dered what it would be like to watch mari0 smoke weed, make him smoke the fun­ny stuff“Tosh: “Alright mari0 you ready” mari0: “Oh no I will be a bad influ­ence to the gamers who look up to me out there and all my long time fans, but Chil­dren need to be helped to sur­vive and I am a good Chris­t­ian at heart“Tosh pulls out a tin of “Garfield’s Spe­cial Cat­nip” and gives it to mari0 and then he smokes it. I cov­er my mouth in dis­be­lief. “mari0 can’t smoke weed that’s so fucked up holy shit I’m going to cry” I say out loud in the com­fort of my own home. But mari0 does it any­ways and I scream loud­ly in anger­Tosh: “Alright time to roll the next epic vid” The Youtube video “Black Man Gets Caught Mas­tur­bat­ing on Bus” Plays. But someth­ng is wrong with this ver­sion of this video. Unlike most videos of the event where the actu­al mas­tur­ba­tion is clipped out of the scene, you can actu­al­ly see him mas­tur­bat­ing. It real­ly shocked me to see that they would have played such a gross vid on live tele­vi­sion. Vid end­sTosh: “wow what an epic fail I would nev­er get caught doing that I’m a lot more stealthy about it when I do it” mari0:“Dude that vid was sick“Tosh: Well here’s our next videoThe music video for the song “Moon Man- Noto­ri­ous K.K.K” Starts play­ing” Moon man raps about hat­ing black peo­ple, and white pride, and about how there should be a race war. I couldn’t believe they were air­ing Moon Man on live tele­vi­sion at the time of the record­ing. Didn’t they know Mc Donald’s could sue them for using their char­ac­ter “Mac Tonight” with­out per­mis­sion. So fucked up.Tosh: “haha­ha moon man epic I love racism lol kkk lol blacks suck lol“mari0 “dude speak­ing of racism here comes a spe­cial pre­miere video of some­thing I have been work­ing on for a long while“What hap­pened next put me at the edge of seat and turned my eyes into water (I cried alot). mari0 spoke two words I hoped I would nev­er have to see put togeth­er in the same phrase ever again. I couldn’t believe my eyes, my ears, or even my sense of up or down.The words came up on the screen­Racist… mari0… TWOTo­sh: wow I can’t believe such a pres­ti­gious film is going to pre­miered here to tonight mari0: here comes racist mari0 twoRacist mari0 2 Starts playingmari0 is in his garage get­ting his kart prep-ed. mari0: “This is my Biggest Race Yet, over 200 rac­ers are going to be in this, and that isn’t very good odds when it comes to me win­ning.” The hood of mari0’s kart pops up show­ing that he has nitro in his car, as a nor­mal­ly ille­gal enhance­ment to his car. Screen goes to black. Screen goes to mari0 cur­cuit, there are 200 rac­ers on the track from all sorts of tv shows, includ­ing fox mul­der, jer­ry sein­field, dil­bert, Garfield, and even psy from gang­nam style. An announc­er: “only 196 of the rac­ers have shown up to the race, we have no info on the miss­ing 4 rac­ers. Looks like the race will have to start with them. The cam­era pans to the start­ing lights, and the engines of the cars are roar­ing. The light turns green and the race begins. mari0 is strug­gling for 1st with Wal­ter White and Elsa. The nor­mal mari0 kart music is play­ing hap­pi­ly in the mean­while, but then all of the sud­den the music stops, and every­one looks shocked. The sound of the music box from five nights at Freddie’s starts play­ing. Every­one looks behind them­selves, and the cam­era reveals Foxy dri­ving a tank, Fred­dy dri­ving a mon­ster truck, and Bon­nie and Chi­ca oper­at­ing a mil­i­tary Heli­copter. They had no inter­est in win­ning this race; what the miss­ing 4 rac­ers tru­ly want­ed was a genocide.The race con­tin­ues on as every­one races away from the fnaf crew, a race for sur­vival instead of a race to win. Peter from fam­i­ly guy is shown, and he gets shot in the chest a few times and then he explodes into real­is­tic gibs from a air­borne mis­sile. Sponge­bob and Patrick are seen and then ran over by the wheels of Freddy’s truck, splat­ter­ing them with blood. Foxys tank is seen and the tank aims it’s gun and fires. A group of about 6 karts is seen to have blown up and the only indentafi­able thing that can be found in the blood and wreck­age is Light­ing McQueen with his body torn clean into half, bleed­ing out motor oil and half dead. Cam­era is brought back to mari0 who is freaked the fuck out. mari0: “Man I got­ta fuck­ing do some­thing” The cam­era shows Foxy’s Tank and then goes back to mari0, who now has a sin­is­ter look­ing grin on his face. mari0: “Alright let’s a go!” He smash­es the nitro but­ton on his kart, and the music goes to car­pen­ter brut — tur­bo killer. mari0 goes real­ly fast while smil­ing away. He gets close to Foxys tank, that just fired anoth­er mis­sile. mari0 jumps on and sees foxy on the tank and pulls out his gold­en desert eagle. mari0: “Any last words punk?” Foxy: “Thank you for killing me, I’m the ghost of a child who was killed by a sick ped­ofile and then shoved inside the body of of ani­ma­tron­ic. I nev­er got to grow up and fall in love with a per­son, have chil­dren togeth­er with them, and then goes old togeth­er, I had that all tak­en away from me by some sick fuck, and now I’m just a mon­ster who doesn’t feel empa­thy, guilt, or remorse; just the sick plea­sure of mur­der­ing oth­er peo­ple. I deserve to go to hell, kill me” the cam­era goes to mari0 who is weep­ing tears from Foxy’s sad back­sto­ry. Cam­era stays at mari0’s tear filled face, while 3 bul­let shots are heard.mari0 takes the tank and aims it at the mil­i­tary heli­copter. Chi­ca and Bon­nie notice the bar­rel is aimed at them, but it is already too late as the mid­dle bar­rels towards their heli­copter. The heli­copter is shot down and crash­es into the tracks nar­row­ly miss­ing Garfield’s kart. Fred­dy notices the explo­sion and turns around and dri­ves straight for the tank, in a game of chick­en. mari0 isn’t a chick­en and nei­ther is Fred­dy and the cars get clos­er and clos­er to each oth­er until a head on col­li­sion appears unstop­pable. mari0 does his famous triple jump off of the tank and the cars col­lide. Freddy’s mon­ster truck, rigged with explo­sives blows up vio­lent­ly. The cam­era fades to black, and then fades to a memo­r­i­al ser­vice. 60 some­thing signs of deceased rac­ers are there. Cam­era shows Garfield cry­ing at a grave for Odie, and then a grave for Dana Scul­ly with Fox Mul­der scream­ing. Final­ly there is a grave for Princess Peach and Bows­er. mari0: “Two lovers from two king­doms, forced by taboo to keep their love secret from the world. As much as I nev­er could accept that Peach loved you more than me Bows­er I know you are a much greater man than I. I hope you two love each for enter­ni­ty in heav­en.” mari0 wipes away a tear. Cam­era pans up show­ing princess peach and bows­er with angel wings and halos kiss­ing, float­ing above the grave. They wave good­bye to mari0 and fly up towards the heav­ens. Black screen with the words “The End”. Screen Returns to tosh.o . Tosh: “Wow that was epic thanks mari0, that is all for tonight folks see u next week“The VHS record­ing ends there, and so does this sto­ry

Editor’s note: “Creep­y­pas­ta” is a sort of hor­rif­ic sub­genre of “copy­pas­ta,” which is heav­i­ly-recy­cled text that is passed around inter­net forums via copy & paste. To pre­serve the expe­ri­ence, this work has not been refor­mat­ted or altered from source.