E

ONE HUFFY DUDE.
 
We did acquire quotes and research from an NYU Psy­chol­o­gy pro­fes­sor, but I threw it all away.
It came to my atten­tion today that my good friend Son­ny Moore (com­mon­ly known as Skrillex) Tweet­ed E” from his Black­Ber­ry at 0732 CST on May 15th, 2010. If I’m ever giv­en the oppor­tu­ni­ty to inter­view him, I’ll begin by ques­tion­ing his choice in smart­phones. (Can you imag­ine how awful the Twit­ter for Black­Ber­ry client must’ve looked in 2010?)

E.

From what I’ve sam­pled of his art, I’m con­fi­dent he’s an emo­tion­al­ly intel­li­gent man, and prob­a­bly not house pro­duc­er Joel Zim­mer­man (wide­ly known as Deadmau5.) The most arrest­ing evi­dence sup­port­ing this sup­po­si­tion is hair. Son­ny Moore is not house pro­duc­er Joel Zim­mer­man.
 
I could be wrong, of course, but that’d only mean that both Son­ny Moore and house pro­duc­er Joel Zim­mer­man pos­sess a slight­ly above-aver­age abil­i­ty to slow time and exam­ine us as we obliv­i­ous­ly go about our lives in slow motion. It could even be pos­si­ble that house pro­duc­er Joel Zim­mer­man is exam­in­ing my big ole’ ears at this very moment in mild dis­taste. I guess I’d be able to hear him if he scoffed, but I think it would be down-pitched and extra­or­di­nar­i­ly ter­ri­fy­ing.
 
Con­sid­er­ing, allow me to tan­gent short­ly and ask house pro­duc­er Joel Zim­mer­man to keep any new­found otorhi­no­laryn­go­log­i­cal judg­ments to him­self, if at all pos­si­ble.
 
If you must speak, Mr. Joel Zim­mer­man, please try your best not to fright­en me.
 
Lots of indi­vid­u­als in my cir­cles fre­quent­ly chide Skrillex about his alleged mis­un­der­stand­ing of cor­po­re­al­i­ty. While it is true that he’s been known to occa­sion­al­ly for­go per­form­ing at events in favor of des­per­ate­ly demand­ing answers from his audi­ence to ques­tions like How big am I?, How are we able to breathe in here?, and Who is the whis­per­ing lady who turns off the sun?, I don’t think he is befit of such a rep­u­ta­tion.
 
In fact, I think Skrillex’s abil­i­ty to make his irre­sistible clank­ing is one we should all aspire to hone. While we are kept on edge some­times by the day-to-day stress­es of con­tem­po­rary life, Skrillex is able to clank them away and see the world from the broad­est, slow­est per­spec­tive — as a demigod.
Edi­tor-in-Chief